Source: When Demeter is Denied
Bedlam is defined, among other things, as “a scene of uproar and confusion” (Oxford English Dictionary ( Its origin is the Late Middle English early form of Bethlehem. It referred to St…
Here’s the thing. It. Never. Goes. Away. It stays with you. Forever.
I should know. I am a survivor of incest.
I previously published another post about this subject, when male legislators were pompously defining rape in such narrow terms that I was compelled to write of my experience.
You can read it at- https://hecaterising.wordpress.com/2012/10/24/nietzsches-eyes/
I am currently reading Jean Shinoda Bolen’s “Goddesses In Older Women” and in it she describes the Sumerian goddess Inanna and her journey to the underworld as a metaphor for a life-threatening illness.
In reading the open letter in the New York Times from Ms.Farrow, ( https://kristof.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/02/01/an-open-letter-from-dylan-farrow/ ) and the consequential back and forth from everyone weighing in on the subject, I have been struck with the similarity between Inanna’s journey and Ms. Farrow’s revelations and their aftermath.
Inanna was a Sumerian goddess who took a trip to the underworld, which, it turns out, is nowhere as easy as planning a vacation to Disney World (irony intended).
In her journey, Inanna enters seven gates and at each gate, is required to remove an article of clothing. At the end of her journey, she is totally naked. Ereshkigal, the goddess of the underworld, strikes her dead with a look and hangs her on a hook. Inanna is rescued and restored to life through the help of her friends, but cannot leave the underworld unless she can choose someone to replace her. She chooses her husband, who, out of all of her family and friends, was obviously not in mourning for her.
Ms. Farrow has shown remarkable courage in completely and in great detail revealing her father’s actions. She has, in my view willingly stripped herself of all protection so she could, finally, show him for the man he really is.
I haven’t been able to eat much since Ms. Farrow’s revelation. Just enough bland food and seltzer water and peppermint tea to keep in my stomach so I can take my diabetes medication.
But I am determined in my choice to accompany Ms. Farrow so that she does not go to the underworld alone. She may well be naked, but she will be with at least one woman willing to stand by her. I suspect, however, I will not be alone. I hope not. I hope that men as well as women will choose to believe her and stand by her.
Even better, this will hopefully open the doors to a legal decision that will remove any statute of limitations for incest survivors so that we can emerge at the time when we feel strong enough to strip down to our own emotional and face the demon of our own private hells.
Inanna emerged from the underworld transformed, with remnants of the death goddess Ereshkigal, Dylan will emerge from this stronger than ever, I suspect, although, in my opinion, she is already a pretty fierce woman.
And so, perhaps will all who choose to journey with her.
Blessings on your journey, Ms. Farrow.
“They told me that the night and day were all that I could see
They told me I had five senses to inclose me up
And they inclos’d my infinite brain into a narrow circle
And sunk my heart into the Abyss, a red, round globe hot burning
Till from all life I was obliterated and erased”
William Blake, “Visions of the Daughters of Albion
An open letter to Kate Moss-
Ms. Moss
I see from the article that I just read in my new Allure magazine that you are in a very good place right now. Emotionally, mentally, perhaps even financially. That’s wonderful. I truly am very happy for you. No, really, I am. Karma dictates that I must be.
I also read the part where you were very upset in the beginning of your fabulous career with the idea that you could possibly be responsible for someone else’s illness-namely the eating disorders of anorexia and bulimia.
I wish I could tell you that you were completely off the hook on that matter, but I truly can’t. You see, Ms. Moss, the images that were held up as being icons of beauty at that time were very strict, very narrow and very, very destructive. And you were very much a part of that.
As early as 1991, 42% of 1st thru 3rd graders wanted to be thinner.
81% of ten year-olds were afraid of being fat.
35-57% of girls engaged in crash-dieting, fasting, self-induced vomiting, diet pills or laxatives.
The average American woman is 5’4″ and weighs 165 lbs. The average Miss America is 5’7″ and weighs 121 lbs.
The average BMI of Miss America winners has decreased from 22 in the 1920s to 16.9 in the 2000s. The World Health Organization classifies a normal BMI as falling between 18.5 and 24.9.
Of American elementary school girls who read magazines, 69% say the pictures influence their concept of the ideal body shape and 47% say the pictures make them want to lose weight.
In a study of nationally representative sample of 10,123 adolescents ranging from 13-18 years-old:
The median ages for onset of an eating disorder was 12-13 years old.
Eating disorders were often associated with functional impairment and suicidality.
Crude mortality rates were 4% for Anorexia Nervosa, 3.9% for Bulimia Nervosa and 5.2% for eating disorders not otherwise specified.
In 1991, as you were just beginning your career, Naomi Wolf published a book called, “The Beauty Myth”. In that book she explains that as women gained in political and personal power, they became punished for appearing feminine in any way shape or form. The ideal for beauty got more and more narrow as women gained more and more visibility and power.
“The more legal and material hindrances women have broken through, the more strictly and heavily and cruelly images of female beauty have come to weigh upon us… [D]uring the past decade, women breached the power structure; meanwhile, eating disorders rose exponentially and cosmetic surgery became the fastest-growing specialty… [P]ornography became the main media category, ahead of legitimate films and records combined, and thirty-three thousand American women told researchers that they would rather lose ten to fifteen pounds than achieve any other goal…More women have more money and power and scope and legal recognition than we have ever had before; but in terms of how we feel about ourselves physically, we may actually be worse off than our unliberated grandmothers.(From her introduction, p.10)”
Please understand that I am not making you solely responsible for the death of thousands of young girls. You had a lot of help.
But you were lucky, Ms. Moss. You had the right body type at the right time. And many young girls saw you as the icon of beauty that they had to attain or die trying. What I’m saying is that now that you are in a position to be able to change that idea-maybe you could. You could start by launching a public service campaign with models that are a little closer to what is considered the norm-my favorite model is also named Kate-Kate Dillon. Let young girls know that there is room at the photo shoot for every body shape, type and color.
Of course, I realize that this this as likely to happen as porcine creatures going airborne, or me getting a date with Tom Hiddleston.
But I really feel as if I need to put this out there. Widen the circle, Ms. Moss. Let the rest of us women in. Please.
In light of the recent death of James Gandolfini, I wanted to reiterate the importance of the organ that failed him. Or, perhaps that he failed to care for.
1) 1 in 4 deaths, about 600,000 people, die of heart disease in this country.
2) Heart disease is the leading cause of death in both men and women. More than half of the deaths from heart disease in 2009 were in men.
3) Every year, 715,000 Americans have a heart attack.
4) Of these 715,000; 525,000 are first time heart attacks.
5) The average heart beats 72 times a minute, 100,000 times a day, 3,600,000 times a year and 2.5 billion times during a life time.
6) The average heart weighs only 11 ounces.
7) A healthy heart pumps 2,000 gallons of blood through 600,000 miles of blood vessels each day.
8) You would need to turn your kitchen faucet on all the way for 45 years to match the amount of blood that travels through your body in a lifetime.
9) Every day, your heart creates enough energy to drive a truck 20 miles. In a lifetime you could go to the moon and back on that energy.
10) During a average lifetime, a heart will pump nearly 1.5 million barrels of blood-enough to fill 200 train tank cars.
11) A woman’s heart typically beats faster than a man’s. The average man’s heart beats 70 times a minute; a woman’s will beat 78 times per minute. More if she’s in physical proximity to Robert Downey, Jr. (just kidding!)
12) Grab a tennis ball and squeeze it tightly; that’s how hard the heart works to pump blood.
Bottom line-I care about my friends, my family, and those I haven’t met yet. For the sake of everyone in your life, please care for your heart. We all need everyone’s brilliance if we are going to survive as a species.
Thanks to the CDC and Random Facts websites for their information.
hecaterising 